so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
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Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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