ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
