Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
