So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
