Define "chronic" masturbator.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize