I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
