Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
