all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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