too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
did i just pee glitter
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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