I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
