a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
