just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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