His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
