We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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