party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My vagina is officially offended.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
