What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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