I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
