i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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