we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
