Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
