I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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