I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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