in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
