if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you win again, gameday.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
