you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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