Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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