I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
