You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
