eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
