You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
