I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
