it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
