Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
