Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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