She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
