Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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