You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
