he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
