i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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