i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
