'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
