I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
