Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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