Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
