I'm really into asian looking animals
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
