it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
