I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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