Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
seriously i just wanna be friends
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
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This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
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Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"