textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me