One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?