o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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