last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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