I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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