i just google imaged poop.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
