Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
