I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
