our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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