TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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