If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
