girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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