he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
