Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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