did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
