The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
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